Spanking…One of My Favorite Taboo Topics
13 Apr 2010Today while reading my normal smattering of online news I smiled when I saw the headline referring to the negative effects of spanking. I read the article, not in hopes of learning anything surprising or new, but because I always feel compelled to read the studies that once again say that spanking is not good for children.
But I am not going to talk about the benefits or drawbacks of spanking here.
What I am interested in is the comments that came after the article. I went around from site to site and read all of the different versions of the “news” and then read the “comments” section of the sites. What I read was shocking and disturbing.
Parenting is a very personal and passionate issue. Most parents are very concerned with raising their children in a beneficial and effective way. But what defines our parenting approach? Many draw from past experience, how their parents approached parenting, pulling the positive aspects and leaving the negative. Many read books, talk to others with children and it is even possible to take parenting classes in most communities now. In the end, after drawing from all of the different sources, a parent determines their parenting tool kit. A parenting toolkit that needs to be ever expanding due to new information that enters our view such as studies, new experiences, new parenting philosophies written in books or even something as simple as a product recall that affects your household. It is a parents’ job to pay attention to new and important information and react if necessary for the benefit of their child.
But parents are also humans…
Throughout life we all decide to hold onto certain beliefs. We value these beliefs. Beliefs are part of what form our reactions and opinions to many different things that we interact with. Some beliefs are more ingrained in our daily life than others, and some are much more likely to be swayed if the opportunity presents itself. There are also some beliefs that we will defend, if required, and quite passionately.
Spanking seems to be a tool from the parenting tool kit that has become a belief. A belief held so passionately that it warrants defense. It seems to bring the monsters out of the closet and motivates the relatively conservative into lashing out either for or against.
This is where my two cents comes in…I find it very shocking and disturbing that we have taken a parenting tool and turned it into a belief. I think that it would be very beneficial for all of us, parents or not, to take a step back and really examine WHY we feel so passionately about different things. It is time that we take the time to determine whether we are passionate about the tools for reaching our ultimate goals or the goal itself.
It is unfortunate that hatred is an emotion that is easily spawned between persons trying to reach a common goal.
As parents, we need to realize that we are all working toward the same goal: Safe, well-adjusted and happy children that are equipped to thrive in our modern world. Is that not the case?
If we are so threatened by a study that sheds light on something that MAY harm our child should that not be a time to step back and examine WHY we are feeling threatened? Is it not our responsibility to remove from our parenting tool kit that which COULD be detrimental to our child, regardless of past tools that we have depended on and used?
Let us compare the parenting tool of “spanking” to BPA. When the negative effects of BPA were published and studies regarding its negative effects for children were released I made a conscious decision to eliminate or reduce the amount of BPA plastics in our home. I thought about ignoring it. I talked to a lot of people about it and I had many people telling me that the amount of BPA was inconsequential to my child’s health. But I discarded the items anyway. I chose to not risk the future of my child by exposing him to potentially dangerous chemicals. Was it an easy change? Not at all. At the time when the issue was just coming to light there weren’t many BPA free options on the market. I had to seek out specialty stores. They were out of my way and quite inconvenient…they definitely took me out of my comfort zone. As a new mom I didn’t have tons of time to be tracking down this product or that, it was actually quite stressful.
Have I regretted it? Not for an instant.
I have learned so much about alternative products that are out there. It has actually opened a whole new world of essential tools for my parenting tool kit that I have adopted. I am grateful for my quick action and I feel confident that I have done all that I can to protect my son. I could not expect anything more from myself in striving for the goal of raising a safe and healthy child.
Should spanking be approached in the same way?
I really hope that other parents examine their reasoning behind defending different parenting tools. When it comes to our children we need to remember that we are all working toward common goals and need to stop offending, alienating and punishing each other for trying to reach those goals. Of course we will have different beliefs that will influence our parenting tool kit, but we need to focus on distinguishing our beliefs and parenting tools so that functional debate can take place.
Your Truely.
